Embracing The Fear …HOW??
When we talk to players we often avoid discussing their fear, instead we talk about avoiding mistakes or executing what we need to do. The fear our players feel is real and should not be avoided instead this fear should be embraced and discussed when they are comfortable to do so. As leaders it is important to be authentic leaders and be in the conversation with them. This opens up trust with the athletes when leaders show vulnerability.
Leadership is not about talking about what other peoples challenges are, it is about what collectively are our challenges and how we can face them. In a moment with my team before a city final with our young team I had the discussion about what they were afraid of, what they feared about in the game in front of them. They were hesitant at first as you can imagine a group of young boys would be to share something they were afraid of in front of their peers. I began by telling them what I feared was that I wouldn't lead in a way that gave them the best chance for success. I would somehow get carried away in the emotion of the game. They all nodded their heads and acknowledged what I said.
Then they began to share, “I won’t score, I will miss the net, I will not defend well, I will let in a bad goal, I won't work hard enough", were some of their comments. I asked as many as were comfortable to share minutes before we went on the field. I said the fear of making mistakes and not performing is only a fear if we allow it to stay inside of us, and if we let it out the fear it holds no power over us. I said you may have shared this with me or you may be thinking of something you are worried about, let it out and don't let it restrict you, embrace this moment and enjoy this occasion for us to be together. Then we talked about our controllables, what can we do to impact our performance, what are we in control of and how can we understand the things we can do. Leaving everything else aside, the opposing players, the referee, the opposing fans etc.. Instead what do we control, our performance, our hard work, our support of each other, our ability to be together as a team and enjoy this moment.
As a side this was one of the most incredible games I have been a part of in my coaching journey. Our team was 2-0 down at half time and to be honest not playing well, not close to our performances that we had during the season. At half time we reviewed our pre-game talk and discussed what we needed to let go so we could be free to perform. We discussed the worst case scenario, losing a game, not that big of a deal we all agreed, so we found freedom in that moment. We did not make any adjustments to the way we were playing, we just stayed committed to each other. They supported each other through everything that day. We scored early in the second half, then with about 10 minutes to go we tied it up and as the Cinderella story goes somewhat predictably we were able to complete the comeback by scoring the winner in the last minute of the game. This is not a story of coaching acumen or a tactical masterclass. This is a tale of a group of young boys who supported each other, believed in each other and in this case when they were down they supported each other. When they were disillusioned due to the score, they supported each other and when they triumphed they celebrated with each other. To this group of incredible young men, I learned more from you that day than I could imagine!
